April 21, 2024


Veteran Baby Makers

14 real ‘Bad Moms’ confess funny, hilarious parent fails

Thanks to the movie “Bad Moms,” in theaters this Friday, the rest of us not-so-perfect parents can finally come out of hiding.

If you’ve ever forgotten about the Tooth Fairy, left a kid behind or missed the start of school by two whole days, these stories from the TODAY Parenting Team show that you’re in good company.

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Get ready to snort with laughter (and maybe pee yourself a little) as you enjoy these hilarious “bad mom” moments from our contributors.

RELATED: ‘Bad Moms’ stars get candid about mommy guilt

1. Remembering the family pet (Sara Lindberg)

“While searching on top of my dresser for their socks, BOTH kids found their baby teeth that the Tooth Fairy must have forgotten to take with her. In a desperate attempt to avoid a major traumatic event, I said that the teeth belonged to our dead cat and that I just couldn’t get rid of them.”

2. A balanced meal (Jenna S.)

“I grabbed what I thought was a V8 Fusion out of the fridge and put it in my son’s lunch bag. It turned out to be a Shock Top BEER… I thought he was getting his veggies — not so much.”

Beer for lunch
To be fair, the beer is “bright and colorful!” writes Jenna S.Courtesy of Jenna S.

“It was 10:50 a.m. when we pulled up to the school for kindergarten orientation. Right away, I was a bit thrown off by the fact that there was tons of parking right outside the elementary school, and we got one of the first spots.

“Something didn’t feel right and my stomach was churning.

“I pulled out the orientation ‘Save the Date’ card. Right away, I saw it.

“The card read: ‘Sail into Kindergarten’ and ‘Save the Date — Tuesday, August 26, 2014.’

“Only, it was Thursday, August 28, 2014!”

4. Leave it to the professionals (Amy Rowland)

“I decided to try and save some money but cutting my son’s hair. This was that ‘uh-oh’ moment when I realized I got a little too carried away with the clippers. Let’s just say there aren’t too many ‘after’ photos for several months.”

Home haircut
Amy Rowland’s DIY haircut for her son did not go as planned.Courtesy of Amy Rowland

RELATED: Here’s what happened when I gave up and got a ‘mom haircut’

5. How to get out of carpool duty (Natalie Gwyn)

“My dear friend Jessica asked a favor of me. An easy thing, really. Our children attend the same school. Jessica and I were meeting at the gym after school. Would I mind picking up her four children and meeting her at the gym?

“Sure. Absolutely no problem. Anything for a friend.

World's Okayest Mom
Natalie Gwyn takes a time out with the mug meant for all of us.Courtesy of Natalie Gwyn

“I went to the school and I drove through the pickup line and I loaded up my children and I waved at her children and I drove to the gym. And, as I was about to get my sweat on, my phone rings.

“It was my friend Jessica. What ever could she want?

“The school had just called Jessica to ask where she was. It seems no one had shown up to gather her children that day. Her little darlings were in after-school care until someone could come and pick them up.

“You guys, I cried. I felt so bad that I cried!”

6. Down goes baby (Sarah D.)

“I was taking a picture of our daughter to announce she would be a big sister when she decided to dive off the bed. Luckily, her dad did catch her before she hit the ground.”

Falling baby
Tiiiiiiimber! Sarah D.’s daughter almost takes a tumble.Courtesy of Sarah D.

“Almost immediately after taking the all-important first photo at Grandma’s house, the unexpected happened… I was holding Thomas when I heard the grunt and then felt the explosion.

“Somehow the poo hit his diaper with such force it shot up his back. A big brown, smelly stain was soaking through his shirt. In disbelief, I looked at my mom with desperation. Where was I going to bathe him? The sink was too small and the bathtub was too big for a 3-month old. We hadn’t had time to buy a baby bathtub yet. For goodness’ sake, we had just landed! The timing was impeccable.

Baby in bath
Betty Nguyen’s son Thomas enjoys “a less chaotic bath.”Courtesy of Betty Nguyen

“Laughing hysterically, my mom rushed to the garage and emerged with a large turkey roasting pan. Oh my, we were about to bathe my precious baby boy in a pan reserved for holiday fowl. It was ‘foul,’ all right. To keep him from slipping and sliding, I wrapped the pan in a bath towel and filled it with water. I could see the confusion on Thomas’ face. It’s like he was saying, ‘Seriously Mom, have you lost your mind?!'”

“You have not experienced the real walk of shame until you have padded down the hallway of your pediatrician’s office and announced to the front office and the adjacent waiting room,

“‘I dropped my baby and I think someone should check him out.'”

RELATED: Kristen Bell talks motherhood, ‘Bad Moms’: ‘We’re all on the same team’

“Everyone in the house was excited for our almost-3-year-old to get a ‘big boy bed.’ He had been climbing in and out of his crib for a few weeks and we just knew it was time. He was so proud and so happy.

Boy with mascara on face
Beth Giusti’s son models his new look.Courtesy of Beth Giusti

“Our first try at nap time didn’t go quite as planned. The boys’ room has a connecting bathroom (which we all use). I was watching to see if he would try to sneak out of his bed/room, through the main door. He out-smarted me! He was out of his bed/room and in the bathroom where I didn’t think to look. Well, let’s just say he found a new love for mascara…”

“‘Mom! The Tooth Fairy didn’t come!’ my son cried. My mind started racing… How do I respond?

“Excuses began to tumble around in my head:

“‘She must have heard you waking up and had to leave before you saw her.’

“‘She must have not received the message that you lost your tooth yet.’

“‘I forgot to turn the night light on, so she couldn’t see.’

“‘She ran out of Fairy Dust, so she couldn’t fly.’

“But instead, I said, ‘That’s crazy! I am sure she came. Go look again.’

“I knew that I had a dollar in my bedside table and grabbed it quickly once he wasn’t looking. I followed him into his room and started looking through his bed. With the dollar bill already palmed, I pretended to find it between the headboard and the mattress. Triumphant, I showed him the dollar and said, ‘Here it is! You must have knocked it down here during the night and you didn’t see it!'”

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11. Silence is anything but golden (C. Byrne)

“My daughter was 2.5 years old and just starting to drop her nap. I had put her upstairs to sleep, and it was silent… It probably should have popped my head in to confirm it was truly a sleeping child.

Messy toddler
C. Byrne’s daughter expresses herself with crayons and diaper rash cream.Courtesy of C. Byrne

“Instead, my daughter was quiet and focused as she colored with crayons and smeared Desitin (diaper rash cream) all over her walls and body!”

RELATED: Here’s the ultimate trick for taking crayon marks off the wall

12. Adventurous eaters (Rebecca Benz)

“When the twins were 2 years old, we had one week where they ate our dog’s food, the babysitter’s cat’s food, and then I turned my back to get my camera out at a farm birthday party and they were both crunching down on goat food! That was just one week.”

13. Mommy’s little helper (Kim Baber)

“I didn’t plan this shopping trip very well! I either should have gotten rid of some things or gone another time when my husband was available to watch the baby. But I ran out of room and started stacking things on top of him!”

Sleeping baby with groceries
Kim Baber’s sleeping baby lends a hand during grocery shopping.Courtesy of Kim Baber

“A few weeks into potty training, I gave birth to my second child. My firstborn was in the routine of following me into the bathroom.

“What I didn’t take into account was that after you give birth, there is a lot of blood. I had been pregnant for as long as my daughter could remember, so she never experienced me having my period. Not that I would know how to explain that to a 2-year-old. Who came up with this ‘learning by example’ potty training? I blame being sleep-deprived for my lapse of judgment.

RELATED: Real-life advice for moms whose hearts are ‘twisted about having another baby’

“My sweet 2-year-old looked at me in horror. I had scarred her for life. Now, she believed she was bleeding every time she peed. Every. Single. Time.

“‘Mommy, I’m bleeding!’ she would scream from the bathroom stall at the mall. ‘Bleeding!’ she hollered as she dribbled in her training pants at the grocery store. My daughter had a flair for the dramatic, and she was very loud. I would quietly try to hush her and explain for the hundredth time that it was just pee, as she cried, ‘There’s blood coming out of me.’ Horrified, people would stare as I tried to explain that we were potty training. Most people would shake their heads and walk away from me as my daughter continued shrieking about hemorrhaging as she sat in the shopping cart.”

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